Well guys - sorry Ive not been about for a bit - I have now moved and as you know it takes a while to sort everything out. Anyway it felt like my right arm had been cut off with having no internet! I know, I know there are libraries and internet cafes you can use but it just isnt the same is it - I mean I want to be able to sit curled up on my sofa with a glass of wine and chill at the end of the day...Anyway sorry this is short and sweet but I have so much to catch up on! I will be back sooner rather than later-promise!

Wow! I cant believe I have left it so long, I apologise and which I had a decent reason to give but I dont so I'll just say sorry and leave it at that! Which reminds me - I may not have told you before now but I am one of the most sorry people you will ever know - I feel I should say sorry for making you endure this!

Unfortunately, I'm sorry for everything, including taking a moment to tell you what I'm thinking right now. My average conversation tends to go something like this, "Oops, sorry." - "Why are you sorry, I'm sorry." - "But I. . ." you get the idea. Those of you who know me will no doubt agree! I can imagine how it must sound from the outside but I really don't notice when I'm doing it. Seems pretty silly while typing it out but I know that's what I say. Hope I didn't waste your time, if I did. . . I'm sorry.

Its a habit I am really trying to break and am sure some of it is down to recent experiences, though what I dont understand is that if somebody says sorry to me it makes me feel bad - like I've done something to upset them or not helped them enough etc so why do I do it? After all I dont want to make my friends feel bad!?

I cannot believe it! After 5 years of constant phonecalls and letters and general pestering I have finally been given a flat in my hometown! I have been on the list for a house for so long I thought I had no chance but this week I had the most amazing letter offering me a two bedroom flat 5 minutes walk away from my dad and my brothers! I am sooooooo excited - yay!
Only problem is I have to now move 250 miles away! So very soon I will no longer be in the North but back in my hometown in the South! Oh normality!!!!!!! So far I have been given an estimatated move date of the end of June, beginning of July - the reason for such a vague date?? Well its brand spanking new - OMG! I am not only moving but moving to a brand new flat!! It just gets better!
Please excuse me while I run around my living room screaming with excitement! (Hmm better not do it too long else my neighbours will ring the men in white coats!)

Once I've calmed down I will post a bit more!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ive been trying to work out why I decided to create a blog and apart from my friends saying Id be good at it and needing somewhere to post my thoughts (annonomously) so that they are not circling in my head and driving me insane I really couldnt come up with any explanations...I seem to read other peoples and have realised they all seem so much more interesting than mine so I apologise now to all of you that I have bored to death, then again why am I apologising? After all if I've bored you to death then you wont be reading this will you!?

After the last couple of days of amazing weather I am starting to get a bit of colour on my pasty skin, but I need much much more yet! I have just been sat in my garden for half an hour but its turned cooler and although not cold its not warm enough to sit in at the moment Why is it that I have spent the last few days tidying and weeding the garden to get it to look nice and now I dont want to sit out there!? I really must learn to prioritise - tan first, work laterD Well a girls gotta have her pleasures in life hasnt she after all they are few and far between!

Sorry I've not updated this for a while, things have taken a while to get back to normal since my stay in Hotel NHS. Im Ok during the day but by about 7pm my back hurts and the painkillers the hospital have given me knock me out, so much so that the other night I awoke at 1am to find myself on the sofa and freezing cold! And that did my back the world of good I can tell you - NOT!
Thank goodness the weather is improving, I have been in the garden starting to sort things out (some friends of mine got me started and gave me the inspiration - thanks guys - you know who you are!) - I cant wait until I get a day where I can just sit out and relax - I love being in the sunshine it lifts my whole spirit and I seem to get so much more done, if I didnt know better I'd seriously think I have a case of S.A.D. but I know I just have lazyitis which unfortunatly there is no treatment for...Its just so nice even to be indoors with all the windows and doors open, the washing on the line and all the fresh air flowing through, I'll enjoy it while I can because it wont be long until my hayfever kicks in and Im wanting to close them all! I have to admit I am a little concerned with just how much I love line dried washing -so much so that I seem to be looking for laundry just so that I can hang it out and dry it! Weird I know but then I never have been normal in any sense or shape.

I am looking forward to this Bank Holiday as it will be the first once since I have given up working and I shall be able to really relax and ejoy some quality time with my son instead of having to view it as an opportunity to get things done that don't normally get done becuase of work commitments. Fingers crossed the weather stays good - if not we have a Playstation and some goodies that will no doubt keep my son engrossed and me wishing I knew where all the buttons were on the control without having to look down at it every 5 seconds and invariably failing/losing the game I am playing!

Whew! What a mad week - where do I begin!? I went to visit my Gp on Wednesday as I woke up with half of my face paralysed, she didnt seem too concerned but asked me to return the following day just to be on the safe side. I was thinking along the lines of Bells Palsy which although not pleasant and untreatable is something which would correct itself given time. However my GP was not convinced and so I have ended up spending 3 days in hospital having numerous tests including a brain scan and a lumber puncture...Fortunatly it transpires that I have a Viral Infection where my brain stem meets my spinal cord, other than steroids and plenty of rest there is nothing that can be done. Just need to wait for an appointment at Neurology Outpatients now, just a routine follow up. There were times I was feeling quite scared I can tell you.

It was also the longest amount of time I have ever spent away from my son (previously he slept at a friends for one night and his mum told me off for keep texting to see if he was OK-which of course he was!), well he had a whale of a time - thought he was on holiday thanks to a great friend who watched over him for me as well as managing her own life somehow!

Im cant quite get the philosophy of hospitals, I thought they were there to make you feel better yet I came out feeling far worse than when Id gone in! No one ever brings me a cup of tea in bed at home (well my son is only 5!) yet somehow I didnt appreciate being woken at 6am (after only a couple of hours fitful sleep) to be asked 'dya wanna cuppa tea luv - oh no your nil by mouth, never mind' - grrrrrrrrr! Couldnt they spend 5 seconds checkin the sign in huge letters above my bed before waking me! Added to the lack of sleep I was tied to the bed with a drip for 2 days, originally I was on a portable drip stand so could move about but when I was transfered onto another ward (at 2am!?)I was put on a static one. Great, all my dignity and everything when down the pan from that moment on. I think it was all made worse by the fact that I actually didnt feel that ill, I just grew increasingly worried and anxious as time went on. Still I shouldnt complain after all they pobably spent hundreds of pounds on me for tests (not the food though lol!) and staff costs and I am on the mend.

I certainly appreciated lifes simple pleasures on my first morning back at home - waking up in my own bed sandwiched between the cat and my son and being unable to move - it was fantastic!

What a day! I knew when I made that application over the phone the other day for benefits that it sounded too good to be true - well guess what? I should have trusted my instincts! I spent nearly 45 minutes on the phone detailing my life story to be assured that all I would need to do was turn up for my appointment today, read through the information Id give and providing all the information was correct - sign the paperwork! I should be so lucky! I arrived, was sat in some multi coloured thing that resembled a sofa but was far from comfy and told to wait. I waited, and waited and then waited some more. Eventually I was called over to be told that the compuuter had crashed and so they would have to do my application manually.  The confusion on the young girls face was apparent as she looked at a lengthy form (which she had finally found after another lengthy wait for me!) - 'Ive never done one of these before' she remarked whilst chewing her gum! I felt like I should be on the other side of the desk but hey ho - off we went, through my whole life story again! Next I was told to wait downstairs when I would meet with my lone parent advisor with whom I apparently need to meet with once every 6 months as the terms of my Income Support application. Well that was another hour wasted - she asked why I had stopped work, so I told her, only to be met with a blank face and no advice! Advisor=Advice, well so I believed anyway but obviously not in this case! Still hopefully the worst is over and it will no doubt be added to the bottom of a pile of paperwork and forgotten because its not on the computer. The thought terrifies me so much I think I am going to ring every other day to check something is being done with a paper application in a non-paper system! Fingers crossed.

RIght todays moan is over, if you've managed to stay with me to here well done! I wish I could say there was a prize but hey lifes tough!

I love my son to bits but sometimes I just want to die with embarrasment - take today for example...
My friend asked if I would watch her little girl who is also 5, whilst she nipped out - Sure, not a problem, bring her over I reply. Next I turn to my son and say 'if theres anything you dont want B to play with then put it away now. I know this may sound harsh but he is very protective over his toys and B has a tendency to be, shall we say 'heavy handed' with things. Not a problem, job done, B arrives with her mum and my lovely son promptly announces 'mummys put everything away so that you dont break it!' Oh I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole...... fortunatly her mum saw the funny side of it and even said she would do the same but even so...

Well I have had quite a positive day today for the first time in ages (my own fault which I will tell you about in a bit, thats if you're still reading by then of course!). Some friends took me and my son out to a Car Boot - I love Car Boots but there are never any local ones so they all involve a drive out and so to me and my son it was a real treat. I managed to get some great bargains too! My son spotted a Scalectrix which he has been asking for for a while now so I know its not some fad thats going to come and go too quickly, however they wanted £12 for it! Now maybe its me being tight but I thought that is a lot to ask at a Car Boot, especially when you dont know if its going to work, after all you only have the sellers word to go on....Anyway my friend likes haggling so I sent him back with an amount I was prepared to go to but they wouldnt budge! We carried on walking around and all the time Im thinking, well if its still there when we've been around I might go back for it! But someone was looking out for me because we spotted another stall that had two sets on it and only wanted £3 per per set! Bargain alert! Needless to say we took one each lol! My son (and dare I say it - me too!) was really impressed when we got home because although the box was slightly battered everything inside was still in its original packaging with the stickers not even put on or opened! So for £3 my son got a brand spanking new scalextrix! Not bad eh!?

Anyway back to boring old me! Incase you are interested, which you are probably not but I'll tell you anyway! Due to previous issues and problems I have spent almost a year on anti-depressants, well about 2 weeks ago I thought I actually feel OK and so instead of getting a repeat prescription I decided I didnt need them anymore, the first week was fine, but this last week has been awful, I have had no motivation, just want to sleep (impossible at the best of times with a 5yr old boy!) and generally have felt rubbish. Well friends have convinced me to go back to the doctors and so tomorrow I will risk the wrath of my local GP, the thing is I just dont want to be dependant on them forever, after all I will never learn coping strategies for future everyday problems if I am relying on pills to see me through, well we will see what he says tomorrow.....

Well as I sit typing this my 5 year old is fast asleep beside me - thank goodness! Its been a long day! My son has a severe nut allergy which means that sleeping at friends houses is not always an option, (though there are two parents who also work at the school he attends and so have been trained in the use of his Epi-Pen should the need ever arise, and he has spent the night at one of theirs) . With it being half term we decided to have a mini sleepover in the living room - just the two of us lol! Fortunatly my sofa folds out into a very comfortable double bed so I am not roughing it too much! Anyway it was decided that we would get together some treats and sit and watch some films of his choice - Big Mistake! Big Big Mistake! Power Rangers!? Who on earth thought up that idea, he loves them, I bit my tongue for nearly 3 hours - that will teach me! Bring back the days of Bob and Thomas - pleeeeease!!!! I never thought I would say that and mean it so sincerely!

I am finally allowed o watch some grown up television and guess what - theres nothing on! I cant believe I pay for extra channels on cable tv and there is still nothing on! Oh well maybe I will go dig a dvd out for myself, thats if I dont fall asleep before the end!

And so ends another day, at least I dont have a sore throat yet, though I am sure by the end of the two week school holiday I may well have! Dont get me wrong - its not through shouting but constant chatter- my son could do battle with the best of chatterboxes and probably win!Still that makes him who he is and thats why I love him. So until tomorrow - goodnight xx